Mommy

My mom was my best friend. She was the only one that would have my back no matter what I said or did. She would give me her last dollar if she had to. She was my safe place. She taught me unconditional love and she gave that same love to my children. She made me laugh and she always listened to my stories with so much enthusiasm for everything I told her. We loved to shop together. This woman would go to target with me and my kids and drop 600.00 with out a blink of an eye. It was crazy and it was fun. My mom taught me many things in life that are a part of who I am. She also taught me how to be addict. She forgot tell me that there was addiction in my family and that its in my genes too. She didn’t tell me that before she drove me around to every urgent care in the city and gave me a hundred dollars to walk in and say i had pain so I could come out with a bottle of vicodin for us to share. She didn’t tell me that I was going to fight this pill for the rest of my life. She forgot to tell me I had to fight for my life everyday to stay clean because I’m am addict. What if I choose to not go in those urgent cares and what if I didn’t take the pills she handed me. Maybe my life would be different.

My mom died of Covid Last year and I’m so mad at her. She never owned up to the fact that she was an addict and that what she did with me was wrong. She was supposed to protect me as her daughter. I didn’t need a party friend , I needed a mom to show me right from wrong. I think about her now and I could accept my mom as an addict. I was not ok with that. Because I missed the mom I knew before addiction took over. But now I know my mom did the best she could do for what she was capable of doing. She was ashamed of her addiction and couldn’t own it. I dint hold resentment at her. I will cherish the good things she taught me and most if all the unditional love she gave and taught me how to give to others

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