The real me is hiding deep inside the other me. The other me has been lost in a Fog of smoke for the last 4 years. Both of them hate each other and fight every day to be better than the other.
The real me is a good genuine woman, she is loyal, she is the invented the word Fun. She is emotional and she trusts everyone to a fault, she’s a people pleaser, and she is a great friend. She has a good heart and her intensions are always good. She hates to disappoint people. She does not judge, and she has a very forgiving heart.
The other me has no idea why she has to Numb everything. I think it’s because she is very uncomfortable in her own skin. She always has felt uncomfortable until she has some form of substance in her to feel better. Getting high always made her feel more “normal” and less fearful. She feels like she’s on top of the world getting things done and being productive and making great choices for herself. She has everything under control. Little does she know that is far from the truth. Her Drug tricks her and with a few hits she is believing everything he tells her she is. She is making mistakes at work, forgetting stuff that needs to be done daily, she is late to everything, She has no ability to Focus on anything because her attention span is now even shorter, she is choosing to be in relationships she normally would never accept for herself, she isolates and she never calls her friends. She flakes on everyone and never keeps her word. You cant Count on The other.
So now I am trying to bring back the Real me. I forgot what she is like, and I miss her. I think alot of other people in my life miss her too. Alot of them don’t really know the whole truth but they can sense shes not who she used to be. Its alot more work to be 2 people instead of one. Even though I know I can’t be “Normal” again I want to be as normal as an addict can be without using and making sure fight hard every day to be the best “normal” that I can be.